Mornings

Some mornings are a struggle. You know the ones I'm talking about? Not just an "I smeared my mascara under my eye and burnt my English muffin" kind of morning, but a "I don't know if I can make it today, why am I such a failure" kind of morning. The kind where the struggle is not only to get out of the door on time but to believe that you are valuable, that your sins are forgiven, and that there is a real, living God who is with you in your moments of vulnerability and discouragement. Well, I've had a few of those this week. I beat myself up because it is so hard for me to believe the Gospel. Seeing my sinful fear and anxiety makes me angry because I wish I could just trust more. I weep over my lack of joy. Ironic? Yes. But my reality lots of these days. I know the truth. But why doesn't it stick? Why can't i just simply have peace in the fact that the God who made me has also called me to himself and adopted me as his daughter?

On the first of such mornings I get to work and I get a text from Mom about a friend's son who was hit by a car and is in critical condition. I hear that yet another elementary student is talking about how they want to die. I chat with the mom of a family who just lost their home to a fire, and tell her that somebody from our church has a couch we can bring them when they find somewhere new and start from scratch. I talk to a friend who is weary, defeated, and her eyes don't sparkle because sometimes it feels like too much. Sure, these problems make mine feel small. But it's something more than that. Because some days those struggles could be mine. As Christians we are not spared from the real hurt - in fact, we can expect it. I think about our sweet friends who lost their son in November and several ladies I really respect whose husbands said they were done and walked out on twenty years. Those who follow Christ are not exempt from life shattering hurt and we're not exempt from days of weariness and discouragement.

So all in all, as I was driving home, the sun blinding my eyes because my sunglasses were in another purse, I thought about something that really stopped me in my tracks with gratitude. My struggle is to believe the Gospel. Hallelujah! Sure it is frustrating when my actions and my days don't line up with how I know they should. But praise be to God that I am fighting to take hold of something I already know is true in my life. Regardless of my emotions and my continual "relapses" into sinful thought patterns, I am covered in the righteousness of Christ and when the Father looks at me he sees only that. As my sweet best friend reminds me, even simply having sorrow over our sin and our lack of joy is a sign that the Spirit is working in us! I am full of gratitude that I get to fight for this, because I am daily around so many who don't have anything valid in which to place their hope. 

So if you are like me and you just have those mornings (or days or months or seasons) - take heart! And take hold of the miraculous truth that is yours. The good news is that all of our hurts are real and God doesn't say "hold on, let me take care of this guy and then I'll get to your little griefs." He meets us where we are each and every day and he loves for us to bring whatever we are facing before him. Pray pray pray and preach the Gospel to yourself as many times a day as you can. Fight to believe and apply the truth with all of your being, but take comfort that it is still truth.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. Romans 4:20-21

If you are a child of the King who is facing one of those life-shattering trials right now, my words can't do much for you. Nor can any one else's. I'd take a guess that you are probably already knowing more of God through this than you ever have before. Seek the only true source of comfort and strength and set your eyes on eternity because even if you don't feel like it, this is not all there is.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:6;10

Finally, if you are in the group that is thinking "Wait. What truth? Is it really for me? What are you even talking about? I am so confused." The truth of the Gospel is this:  we are separated from a perfect God because mankind missed the mark of divine perfection, and can't associate with one who is. So because of God's great mercy, but to also satisfy his justice, he sent his son to become a man, living the life we should have lived and taking the punishment for our treason. That punishment was death, and because one who didn't deserve it took it on, that death is applied to the account, so to speak, of those who trust in it. It's as if we were sitting in a courtroom, sentenced to death row and Christ said "Let me instead." Now our sin is placed on Christ and his perfect righteousness is given to us and we are able not only to simply associate with the creator, but to have an intimate relationship with him for all of eternity. This story is radical, and it is not one to be overlooked. Engage it, ask questions about it, dwell on it, and know that this crazy hope can be yours!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come… For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17, 21