Thoughts on Lent

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but sometimes the whole concept of Lent is confusing to me. I know so many people who use it as a time to give up sweets, or coke, etc. but often cannot articulate why. As we enter Holy Week and the last few days of this church season, I thought I'd share an insert from our bulletin that was very helpful to me. Thanks to our Pastor Wayne Larson for sharing. (Redeemer Presbyterian Church Des Moines)

What Does Lent Mean? 

The name, "Lent" comes from the Middle English word lente (“spring”), which shortens the Anglo-Saxon word lengten, a term used to describe the lengthening of daylight in the spring. In the church, it has come to mean a season of preparation for and anticipation of the crucifixion and resurrection of our Lord. The church season lasts forty days from Ash Wednesday (this year, March 5th) until Easter, not including Sundays. The reason for this is that every Sunday throughout the year is a celebration of the resurrection. That is also why the Sundays that occur during Lent as are properly called Sundays “in Lent” and not “of Lent.” The number 40 was chosen by the early church because of the biblical symbolism of preparatory testing in the examples of Moses, Israel, Elijah, and most significantly, Christ himself. As such, this is the time of the year when the church orders her readings, prayers, and hymns in a way that brings into focus our great sin and deep need for Christ's atoning blood. A period of 40 days also encompasses six Sabbaths making Easter a seventh Sabbath or a "Sabbath" of Sabbaths. 

At the heart of any worthy Lenten observance is a cultivated attitude of repentance. A true repentance means a genuine change in heart and mind, a change of disposition wherever in our lives we need to return to God. That is why true repentance and a true Lent can never be satisfied by mere external observances, no matter how rigorous they are. But repentance is no morbid introspection or “guilt trip” in which we become bound up in ourselves, turned inward to the point of unhealthy despair. Rather, it has to do with God, who is both holy and compassionate. Therefore, Christian repentance always means faith in God, trusting him, responding to his grace. That is why whatever guilt or sorrow we may feel does not crush us. For we know and trust his goodness toward us. 

The color for Lent is purple or violet—a rich color made with the costliest dyes in the ancient world. It appropriately symbolizes deep, heartfelt, and therefore costly repentance. Lent is not merely a time to remember and think about the history of our Lord’s suffering and death, but is intended primarily as an opportunity for intense self-examination and repentance, even fasting (Luke 5:34-35). The high point of Lent is reached on Good Friday, when we remember that our sins crucified Christ. 

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out… Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:18;24-25

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5

Red Mountain Music's All Things New is my favorite album for this season, and you can download a free sample here. 

How do you cultivate repentance during Lent? I would love to hear different ideas and practices!

Mornings

Some mornings are a struggle. You know the ones I'm talking about? Not just an "I smeared my mascara under my eye and burnt my English muffin" kind of morning, but a "I don't know if I can make it today, why am I such a failure" kind of morning. The kind where the struggle is not only to get out of the door on time but to believe that you are valuable, that your sins are forgiven, and that there is a real, living God who is with you in your moments of vulnerability and discouragement. Well, I've had a few of those this week. I beat myself up because it is so hard for me to believe the Gospel. Seeing my sinful fear and anxiety makes me angry because I wish I could just trust more. I weep over my lack of joy. Ironic? Yes. But my reality lots of these days. I know the truth. But why doesn't it stick? Why can't i just simply have peace in the fact that the God who made me has also called me to himself and adopted me as his daughter?

On the first of such mornings I get to work and I get a text from Mom about a friend's son who was hit by a car and is in critical condition. I hear that yet another elementary student is talking about how they want to die. I chat with the mom of a family who just lost their home to a fire, and tell her that somebody from our church has a couch we can bring them when they find somewhere new and start from scratch. I talk to a friend who is weary, defeated, and her eyes don't sparkle because sometimes it feels like too much. Sure, these problems make mine feel small. But it's something more than that. Because some days those struggles could be mine. As Christians we are not spared from the real hurt - in fact, we can expect it. I think about our sweet friends who lost their son in November and several ladies I really respect whose husbands said they were done and walked out on twenty years. Those who follow Christ are not exempt from life shattering hurt and we're not exempt from days of weariness and discouragement.

So all in all, as I was driving home, the sun blinding my eyes because my sunglasses were in another purse, I thought about something that really stopped me in my tracks with gratitude. My struggle is to believe the Gospel. Hallelujah! Sure it is frustrating when my actions and my days don't line up with how I know they should. But praise be to God that I am fighting to take hold of something I already know is true in my life. Regardless of my emotions and my continual "relapses" into sinful thought patterns, I am covered in the righteousness of Christ and when the Father looks at me he sees only that. As my sweet best friend reminds me, even simply having sorrow over our sin and our lack of joy is a sign that the Spirit is working in us! I am full of gratitude that I get to fight for this, because I am daily around so many who don't have anything valid in which to place their hope. 

So if you are like me and you just have those mornings (or days or months or seasons) - take heart! And take hold of the miraculous truth that is yours. The good news is that all of our hurts are real and God doesn't say "hold on, let me take care of this guy and then I'll get to your little griefs." He meets us where we are each and every day and he loves for us to bring whatever we are facing before him. Pray pray pray and preach the Gospel to yourself as many times a day as you can. Fight to believe and apply the truth with all of your being, but take comfort that it is still truth.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. Romans 4:20-21

If you are a child of the King who is facing one of those life-shattering trials right now, my words can't do much for you. Nor can any one else's. I'd take a guess that you are probably already knowing more of God through this than you ever have before. Seek the only true source of comfort and strength and set your eyes on eternity because even if you don't feel like it, this is not all there is.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:6;10

Finally, if you are in the group that is thinking "Wait. What truth? Is it really for me? What are you even talking about? I am so confused." The truth of the Gospel is this:  we are separated from a perfect God because mankind missed the mark of divine perfection, and can't associate with one who is. So because of God's great mercy, but to also satisfy his justice, he sent his son to become a man, living the life we should have lived and taking the punishment for our treason. That punishment was death, and because one who didn't deserve it took it on, that death is applied to the account, so to speak, of those who trust in it. It's as if we were sitting in a courtroom, sentenced to death row and Christ said "Let me instead." Now our sin is placed on Christ and his perfect righteousness is given to us and we are able not only to simply associate with the creator, but to have an intimate relationship with him for all of eternity. This story is radical, and it is not one to be overlooked. Engage it, ask questions about it, dwell on it, and know that this crazy hope can be yours!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come… For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17, 21

Candid

So I was thinking this morning about how it has been forever since I've updated my blog. I have lots of thoughts and themes mulling around in my head, but none of them are formed enough to be articulated here yet. And I don't have a lot of cool pictures of things we've done. To be honest, my days look like this: wake up, pack David's lunch, quiet time, clean/get dinner started/run errands/get ready, go to work, come home from work, eat dinner, clean up from dinner, go to sleep. Repeat. I've also been thinking about how we often portray our best selves on social media. Who has an instagram that doesn't make them look cool? What kind of message does that send about our lives? I also was really encouraged at our women's retreat last weekend about the fact that I don't have to have it all together. You can ask my mom, my husband, and my college roommates and I think they would all agree on the same thing. I desperately want to have my ducks in a row at all times - but I fail. Some people are capable of keeping a neat home, organized planner, and a well stocked freezer. Other people have embraced the fact that such a lifestyle is not for them - and they live happily in the chaos. I am sure others of you are in that miserable third category with me - the constant disconnect between what I expect of myself and what I achieve. So in the spirit of honesty, I decided to walk around my apartment at 6:30 this morning taking pictures of what my life is really like at this point in time. No staging involved - just snapshots of what you would actually get if you knocked on my door right now. I may regret this after I actually finish my coffee, but here goes. 

 Here is a dishwasher that I discovered to my dismay this morning is still full of dirty dishes because I forgot to start it two days in a row. (See the detergent pack in the bottom?)

 The leftover crescent rolls served as our vegetable Tuesday night, and they are still sitting by the tray they were cooked on. Don't worry, I spared you a picture of the dishes actually in the sink. 

 My boots are still sitting by the door, ready to be put back on today. The snow is coming back.

 Yup. That is our Christmas tree, still there. There are about five ornaments left, because I had to leave in the middle of packing them up. Yes, those are also our stockings still hanging above the fake fireplace. 

 Clean sheets still sitting in the dryer from  (you guessed it!) two days ago. 

 My attempt at meal planning sits on the fridge, but don't worry, last night we got pizza instead. 

 I am on top of the game by working on next week's preschool lesson before the morning of! But I still left my piles on the table. 

 And this is the quote I can't read enough times, one I found last summer that speaks beautifully to my heart that fights so desperately against the freedom that the Gospel brings. 

And this is where I am in my attempt to read the Bible through in a year. Leviticus. It's not anyone's favorite book. But I'm being renewed day by day, even through the non-romantic passages. I'm amazed as I see God's hand of providence in the lives of his children, and as I realize with awe that from day one his plan was to bring me into the fold. From before the foundation of the world he wrote my name in his book and he sent his only son to be my redeemer. 

I am loving God's Word more than ever. Because let's be honest, some days on the way to work I think about reasons I could quit. I can't love my husband, I can't sit at a computer, I can't continually smile at the same misbehaving kids day after day after day, unless I am dwelling in the truth. And many days I don't dwell in the truth and I do have a bad attitude and I become impatient and I do snap "No you are not really sick, go back to your group!" with a lot less grace than I should. But I know the place where I am refreshed and I can resonate with Deuteronomy 32:47 For it is no empty word for you, but your very life. 

And in the end, when I look around, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude because this is my life. Even the most monotonous and boring and frustrating days are a gift. And what rich rich blessings my Father has lavished upon me. Let us rejoice and be glad, for this is the day that the Lord has made! We have an older brother who has come into our mess and he furiously loves us even then. 

And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel - and God knew.  Exodus 2:24-25

And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16

So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing… These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. John 15:4-5;11

Shadows

I don’t really feel adequate to write this post. But I feel foolish and silly moving on to other things with something so heavy so near. 

Thursday was a day to celebrate all the things we have to be thankful for. It was also my 22nd birthday. A day to rejoice in my full years. Yet on this same day in God’s providence it was time to say to one of his children - “come.” 

Gray Godwin was a 16 year old family friend. Our dad’s have been friends since the fraternity days in college. He was in the youth group I worked for, and went to Colorado with us last summer. I tutored him in Spanish. He and my youngest brother, along with the two dads, have been working on rebuilding and refurbishing an old Ski Nautique together. It sits unfinished in my grandfather’s barn.

Thursday morning Gray went Duck hunting on Lake Martin - a familiar, comfortable, soothing place full of joyful memories. He never came home. 

There really aren’t words. 

I can’t even begin to imagine the pain of Mr. Tony and Mrs. Beverly as the divers pulled their baby boy out on Friday afternoon.  

It isn’t fair. It isn’t fair. That’s what I kept saying to the Lord. This boy was so full of joy and life, such a caring big brother and a good friend. It isn’t fair that his life gets cut short at a mere 16 years. I cried again this morning while making breakfast because from now on, Mrs. Beverly only gets to make breakfast for four. Every single action of every day is going to be excruciating for them. 

In my mind, today Gray should be screaming War Eagle at the top of his lungs. Instead, football and College Gameday hype and championships seem silly. Don't get me wrong, I'm as big a football fan as any of them. But I know that to Gray the craziest Iron Bowl victory ever is not even worth a thought because he is in the overwhelmingly more glorious presence of the Almighty. 

I know that words are a dime a dozen, and can’t deaden the hurt that so many of my sweet Montgomery friends are feeling. But because I’m a words person, and writing is good to help me understand, because I’m far away, because my heart is excruciatingly heavy, and because maybe this little post can be a tiny part of God’s glory being proclaimed in his death, here are some themes that have been mulling in my head for the past two days. 

I’ve had several conversations in the past week about mourning and grieving. Ironically, one of them was on Thanksgiving Day. It was before I had heard from home, before I knew - but while helicopters scoped the area and rescue boats with sonar patrolled. 

To quote Mumford, because I love their way of phrasing this - “Hold onto what you believed in the light, when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight."

Here is what we know. 

Jesus wept. John 11:35 

In the next paragraph he raises Lazarus from the dead. Yet he still grieved and mourned over the death of his friend. It is ok and good and healthy to grieve. 

The friend I was talking with on Thanksgiving reminded me that in the Old Testament, mourning came in the form of sackcloth and ashes - they shared in each other’s griefs not by sharing trite sayings, or offering advice (remember how that went down with Job’s friends?) They ripped their clothes and sat there with them in their sorrow. 

Jesus enters into our grief with us. He KNOWS. As we enter into Advent, what a glorious truth to be reminded of in the incarnation. That our God became man and he KNOWS. He experienced the same grief that we do. 

And sometimes, that’s the best way to comfort and love those around us who hurt. When you hear news like this it is ok to figuratively tear your clothes in sorrow and cover yourself in sackcloth and weep. That is not a sign of weakness. 

Secondly, the thought patterns I mentioned at the beginning are my sinful tendencies, but often how we think in times like this. “It isn’t fair! No one should have to deal with this!” But no where in the Bible are those who follow Christ promised that life will be fair, or that we will be spared suffering. Rather, it is quite the opposite. Who am I to say that I could write the Godwin’s story better than the Lord?  Who am I to wish that these trials would be withheld, even from Cleve and little Anna? 

We are PROMISED in Scripture that God is sovereign. That His purposes and plans prevail. That he is ALWAYS working for our good and ultimately His glory. That He can write a better story for each of us than we could ever imagine. Who am I to think it isn’t fair that Gray only got 16 years? What a blessing and privilege for that child of God to be with him now rather than to stay here, where it’s broken. 

So this is my encouragement to those of you who may happen to read this that are grieving over the homecoming of this sweet boy, or anyone else who carries fresh wounds and gaping holes in your heart. 

This is our chance to hold on to the truth of God’s word that we know and believed in the light. This is a chance to, in the midst of deep grief, ask ourselves - Do I really believe that God is good, in holidays turned horrors? Do I really believe that God loves the Godwin family even when he takes their child and brother away? Do I really believe that this world is not all there is? Do I believe it enough to continually rejoice in my tears?

Our deep ache over death is a sharp reminder that this world is not our home. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reconcile death within us because it is not what we were created for. Death is a result of the fall. And it’s constant presence reminds us to long for heaven, to not find our significance in the shadows of this world, but to long for the new heaven and the new earth. Christ conquered death with his resurrection. The Gospel is our firm and secure hope! We deserve eternal death and hell but the creator and sustainer of the universe has given his only son to live the life we should have lived and die the death we deserved, taking our punishment and purchasing our eternal life with him. And he is making all things new. “He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!” Revelation 22:20

I know that Mr. Tony and Mrs. Beverly are praising God, even in the darkest day they have seen. I am challenged and encouraged by that faith that says with Job: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (1:21)

On Being Unemployed

We have lived in Iowa almost 2 and a half months and I can finally say with joy that today is my last day of unemployment! (More info about jobs coming soon!) I wasn't in a huge hurry to get a job when we got here (partially because I didn't have a car for the first few weeks) but after a while all the free time in a quiet house got really lonely. The last time I remember having so much down time was probably the summer after I graduated high school. I am the kind of person that always has a lot on my plate. I love to be busy and I never stop! So, while there really were aspects of my time off that I enjoyed, there were also some hard things, and good lessons learned. I'll catch y'all up on what I did with my time, and what the Lord taught me. 

I will admit that at times, I've been a bum. I watched entirely too many Netflix documentaries. (If you want to learn about Burma, the real Amityville Horror house, or midwifery, I'm your girl.) But I've also done some productive things, including getting our apartment set up, making lots of dinners, washing loads and loads of laundry, and more. 

I wrote LOTS of thank you notes. 258 if you were curious, including all the showers and wedding. Yes, I am single handedly keeping the postal service in business, and it has been so worth it because I love to write letters and have been so blown away by our friends and family during this time.

I starting riding a bike again for the first time since 10th grade. Being married to David this was inevitable. He lowered the seat on his mountain bike for me and I've had a blast riding with him and by myself! 

I've read lots of books, consumed gallons of tea and coffee, and tried a ridiculous amount of pintrest recipes. 

 I've gone for many walks. This is one of my favorite paths near an elementary school.

I've baked. And baked, and baked. Seriously, when new goodies come out of the oven at least every other day, it is time to get a job. 

I've explored this new city that we now call home! 

Even though all these things were fun, I still struggled many days in feeling like I was useless and selfish. Rather than talking to girls on their worst days at Women's Hope, planning RUF random rides, and making muffins for my roommates, everything I did seemed selfish. The tangible ways of service I've been used to were gone. I wanted to take younger girls to coffee, to build relationships with friends who don't know Christ. But I didn't know any of these people and I didn't even know how to begin to meet them! I had visions of inviting women in our apartment complex over for lunch, but said women seemed very elusive. At times I contemplated running out into the hall when I heard someone coming up the stairs, but that seemed a bit desperate! 

However, in his grace, our heavenly Father used this time of "uselessness" to teach me some important truths. I won't even pretend to be good at applying these yet, but let me number them here to you and to myself. 

#1) My identity in Christ is NOT correlated to my work done for him.
It is so easy to fall into the trap that God loves us more when we do great things for his kingdom, and loves us less when we are bad Christians who haven't shared the Gospel in months and forget to do our quiet time. This, my friends, is not in Scripture. Yes, we are absolutely called to do all those things and more, but our obedience to him is a result of the identity that is ALREADY ours in Christ, not a means of obtaining that identity. I am his child simply because he has made me his child and purchased me with his own blood. How silly of me to think that something I can do carries more weight than that. 

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" 
Galatians 4:5-6

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. 
1 Peter 1:3-4

#2) My husband is my priority. 
I am learning that creating a home for David is obedience to God! This is a high and holy calling. I can serve my husband and glorify the Lord by the daily, faithful tasks that can quickly seem mundane. The vacuum, the dish rag, the mixing bowl, these are tools of a trade that I am so blessed to call my own. Making our home a place of grace and encouraging my new husband in all he does is most certainly not selfish or useless.

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 
Titus 2:4-5

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. 
Proverbs 12:4a

#3) Each season brings it's own struggles. 
The grass is always greener. When I was finishing up school the thought of having nothing to do sounded glorious. When I was engaged the first few months of marriage sounded like pure bliss. And while the free time is nice and being married is the most fun I've ever had, I am still a sinner and life is still hard. But I am being sanctified day by day, and in that I rejoice.

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it. 
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. 
2 Corinthians 4:16-17